Dust Charlotte Prayer Week

Once I scheduled/reserved the time, it hit me.  I began to feel nervous and scared.  What should I expect?  Will it be as epic as others’ experiences?  Will I die on the way?  Will it be a disappointment? As I tried to sleep, I kept trying to imagine what this time would be like with Him.  It, to my surprise, felt like the night before a big day; you know, the anticipation of a big event/holiday (party, Christmas, test results).  Why was I so jacked up about this?

When I woke up for good the day of (after waking up several times that morning to check the time) I was even more nervous.  My stomach was even hurting!  I felt foolish because I knew that I was being over-dramatic.  I realized I was expecting everything and nothing all at once.  What does that even mean?!  Driving there I decided to pray because I was slightly convinced that I might die/or something of the like would happen on the way; I prayed that I wouldn’t come with these huge expectations, that He would take my nervousness, I prayed that I would be open to what He had to say.  I felt a little better and I made it there without dying, so that’s good.

Once I arrived, I got uber nervous again.  And as I walked in the (phenomenal) room, I realized why I had been feeling so anticipatory and antsy, this was a date!  As I walked around the room, the Lord affirmed me in the love He has for me.  He loves me and wants me and knows me…and that’s what every human pines for.  The time we spent together was pure and beautiful; He gently reminded me of His greatness and strength.  He reminded me of who I am in His eyes.  Incidentally, who I am in His eyes is all that matters, but I don’t always act that way.  He didn’t do all the talking, I shared with Him my feeling/hurts/desires…but no questions.  Lately, my mind has been filled with tons of “why’s?”, the self-pityish kind, but on this date I felt no need to voice them, not because He wasn’t listening, but because I rested in His sovereignty.  As we communicated with one another it was as if our breath mingled with one another, His words became mine and it was hard to tell when His words ended and when mine began.  Strange and wonderful.  

This time with my Lover reminded me of who I am, I am His beloved, I am His child.  It reminded that He has a plan and my future is secure in His hands and that although I have no concrete sense of my future, He’s faithful and will be in it.  I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.

I like to think I’m bold, fearless, not the least bit afraid to walk up to a complete stranger and engage them in conversation. FALSE!  By beginning prayer week with this opportunity to pray in the city we’re called to before praying in the sacred space behind close doors, I realized more imperfections and junk in my heart. I rationalize too much! I overanalyze way too much. And I definitely miss opportunities due to hesitations. To some, this is a gift. To me, this is a stumbling block. Prayer in the city proved that to be true…

So when I first walked by this guy sitting on the curb, I felt drawn to him, but I just kept walking… thinking of why I felt drawn to him instead of acting. When I passed back by the second time, I still walked past him and sat at a distance to “pray about it,” so I told myself (because that sounds all holy, right?), before just going with my gut. As I contemplated how to make it happen, I tried concocting creative plans how not to “freak him out” or “be awkward” … all because I didn’t want HIM to be uncomfortable? FALSE, again! It was all about ME, MY comfort. It was I that didn’t want to be uncomfortable. I cared more about my comfort than him in that moment. Yuck!

So, I turned to Akiel and asked, “What do you think?” And he quickly, without hesitation, said, “I think we just go; go for it.” And you would have thought he lit a match under my bum… I immediately hopped up, approached the gentleman and asked if he’d like to get some coffee with us. He gratefully accepted! The remainder of the night was spent with my new friend that had just rolled into the city literally that day… he knew NO ONE… until us 3 unexpected goobers approached him… like a person, like a friend.

Every single day I encounter people, but they are just blurred faces in the crowd. I don’t approach them as my brothers and sisters in the kingdom, as I did this guy last night. This has changed my perspective forever. What a gift I’ve been given to treat everyday of my life as a “trip into the city to pray and encounter the broken.”  Your kingdom come, Your will be done ON EARTH as it is in heaven.

 

I cannot recall a more powerful 90 minute prayer time in my life.  I like to think it was a moment of sweet destiny.  When I came in I and started at the cross, I didn’t even look at the directions, just full abandoned and savagely crying out because I was so thirsty and so tired of striving with my flesh and self.  As I went to nailing up my expectations and burdens of anxiety and anger, I just kept writing like the poisons were being sapped out with each letter.  It was the second step that really hit me.  I just literally picked up Gods Love, Acceptance, Righteousness, Strength, Rest….seriously Picked them up, simple, easy, free of effort and free of my own attempts to obtain them.  To feel love so tangibly and to realize that it was meant to be this simple all along is mind blowing (realize I have been “in the family” a long time, trying to serve Him.  I used to feel so much shame or guilt,  like the stupid kid who got in trouble and needed someone to risk their necks for him because they HAD to.  But Christ didn’t have to, He chose to.  Joyfully.  The other side of the cross is not a obligated life of striving and paying back debt, though I used to live this way, it is the free gifts of a freed life where living waters pour into the hands and hearts of all who would simply reach out and take them. Like those little white rocks, just take them. I have never felt more loved, more accepted, more peace or joy in my life.  I was seriously laughing like a maniac because I realized just how simple this was, and what a crazy plan all this is really is. The laughing turned into Gratefulness that could only be uttered with the simple and insufficient words thank you, thank you over and over. Like the Leper, or the blind, or crippled he simply had mercy, and did for me all I could never have done myself.  I wrote down ALL of the gifts on that little white rock and clutched it like a piece of Gold…because to me I have been looking for this my whole life. Free love that is, not a little rock :)
 “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.”  Isaiah 55:1

My experience in the prayer room was ridiculously amazing.  The Holy Spirit filled that place like it was Heaven itself.  I honestly wondered how much closer to Heaven I could get than actually there.  The ambiance, the simplicity, and the things spoken to me.  The time to make a difference is now!  No more waiting, no more excuses.  The time is now.  All or nothing; you’re in or you’re out.  Get out of that comfortable chair, get off your butt and get out there.  I recommend taking a prayer slot to ANYONE.  Doesn’t matter if you go to Dust or not, we’re praying for the city.  Doesn’t matter if you don’t know what to do with an hour and a half of prayer.  Trust me, I highly doubt anyone will have “free-time” once they enter that room.  You will leave that room wishing the next person didn’t show up for their slot.  How easy is it to find excuses to back out of participating fully or at all?  The smallest things try to pull us away from this time.  Will we allow it to work?  While in the prayer room, I wrote something down and I honestly don’t think I thought of the words.  It’s not my type of speech. 
Awaken my dear child, for the Lord God is calling to you.  Calling for your ears, calling for your hands, calling for your heart.  Do not be caught sleeping in a time of battle.  There will be a time of resting ahead but today is not that day.  He calls us to action.  Will we answer that call or merely continue sitting in the comfort of our churches and homes?  The city needs Christ and He is calling us to bring Him to it.  The Kingdom of God is at hand, are you awake?